"Forgiving is a journey; the deeper the wound, the longer the journey."

"In every dispute between parent and child, both cannot be right, but they may be, and usually are, both wrong. It is this situation which gives family life its peculiar hysterical charm."

I'm doWn wif migraIne noW. mY heaD is throBbing. sO pardOn me iF mY werDs aRe bUt cOhereNt. hMmm..taDi ade niaT naK tido awaL. taPi aDe taMu. taK taU tu diUndaNg ataU tidaK.

hMmm..macaM2 perKara terJadi buLan nie. mungKin iNi yaNg dikataKan cuBaan ramadHan. sumhoW i see myseLf beiNg given tesTs by HIM all d tyM. buT weLL, munGkin itU keaDaannya baGi seMua haMba2-NYA kan?

tO cuT d loNg stOry shorT, mY nieCe raN awaY frOm hoMe. quarreL wif daD. sHe becaMe a refuGee under her owN roof. caMe to staY wif us. personaLLy, i diN liKe d waY my siS handLed d siTuatiOn. *haiZz* sO taDi, her husband caMe. i tot he caMe to pujuK & put tiNgz in persPEctiVe fOr my nieCe.

dier buKak cerita pLak 'boUt aLL d tiNgz my nieCe did wrOng. koNon mcM nak justifY kat my parenTz y he's sO mad & y it tooK him so lonG to cooL doWn.

aarGh! aLL dis drama. 'nuFF said boUt her wrOngz. waD abOut Urs & my sisTa's?

aKu sOo..soo..disappoiNted. *faJ froWnzz*

i tiNk oNe occupaTionaL hazaRds of beIng a sociaL werKer is thAt: u caN see iT weN it's aLL doNe wroNg. oBserVing d waYz my sibLingz disCipLine their chiLdreN or maNage their famiLies caN be heart aching & heaRt wreNching. sediH juGa. naK luaHKan pada kLien yer mudaH, seBab kLien daTang juMpa deNgan suKareLa untuK memiNta pandaNgan tenTang isU dan masaLah mereKa. Ahli keluarGa sendiRi..naK bersuAre, siaPalah saYa. maSeh ke-adeK-adeKan paDa suM of my sibLingz.

sO i caN juz siT bacK, waTch d episOde 'Live-screeN' itseLf di hadaPan maTa sendiri. tu yaNg mengecewaKan. biLa u noE waD's wrOng, yEt u caN't dO aNytiNg 'boUt iT. sumtiNg i'm coNstantLy battLing wiF in my liFe, living in dis famiLy...

baCk to my nieCe. sHe's beeN wif us feR a few weeKz aLready. yeT, not much actiOn taKen bY my siS n huBby. noT alloweD 2gO bacK hoMe 2 geT her stuffz, taT mucH anGer her daD has towards her.

ya suRe, sHe haS behaviouraL issUez, buT insteaD of guiDing hEr & disciPlining Her as a teeNager. sHe's beeN furtHer osTracized. iNi yaNg meNdatangkaN kemarahaN yaNg lebiH memBuak2 in Me.

*siGh*

fIne, giVe dem d benefiT of a doUbt. mungkiN my niece nie nakaL saNgat. tapi haRus ke buaT macaM tu sekaLi kaT anaK dORang sendirI. sHE seeMz fine weN shE staYed wiF uS. mungkiN she pretEnding, waLLahu'aLam. But i tiNk waD she neeDs is tyM, attention & peopLe to try undersTand her. n perhaPz taT is waD she goT whiLe staYing wif uS.

kadaNg ku taK suKa juGa caRA mak & apaK maraH diEr. daTok nenek kaLo maraH, biaSe lah. seMut gigit poN tak maTi. sO yaNg taKe oN d disiPlining roLe@hoMe is Me. me duN waaaN history to repeaT itseLf. i sweaR to GOD i duN wanna see taT haPpen..iTz too painfUl to haVe anothEr oNe in d famiLy; caUsed by d saME mistake. taK reLa, taK ingIn daN taK maHu.

aS mucH as i dO not waNt 2pLay d parentiNg roLe to my nieCe. i haD to taKe on taT roLe. anOther grouse i haVe is my sisTer sms-iNg me ofTen to asK waD her daUghter is dOing & waD i haVe foUnd out froM her whiLe toKking to heR.

wTf. i dUn briNg my werK caP hoMe aRh. juz bCos i'm a sociaL werKer & i dO coUnseLing; i tink i deseRve taT recognitiOn taT weN i'M hoMe, i m a famiLy meMber. jaNgan mengambiL keseMpataN nak memInta kU jaDi miNah j.boNd & spY on ur chiLd. reLationshiPz r baSed on truSt; n nOt by 3rd paRty relayinG messaGes 2U..dUn dis peoPle learN anytIng about tiNgz deY've done wroNG??

*siGh*

kadaNg aKu peNat juGa. kaT keJe daH handLe keS. kat ruMah pon keNe buaT krisIs manAgement.

mungkIn piLihan kU utK meNgambiL jaLan ini aDe fungsI dan tujuaN untuK keLuarga Ku.

apaK nak anaK diEr jadi guRu. aPak keceWa biLe anaK diEr jaDi pekerJa sosiaL. biLe anaK daH amBiL jaLan kerjayanYa sendirI, baRu mcM2 haL timbuL yaNg reLevan tO her careeR.

tiNgz haVe coMe fuLL circLe

perhApz taT is waD neeDs 2b dOne in my owN reLationshiP wiF my pareNtz & my famiLy meMberz.

i figure taT i wiLL alwaYz geT maD@deM..& miNd U..our disagreeMenTz & quaRreLz r often maJor. anger & exasPeratiOn & appaLed-Ness seT in. exPectIng deM 2 forGive. d maTTer juz sLightz. tiLL it haPpens agaiN.

perHapz i've leaRnt to heaL myseLf by forgiVing. we haVE issUEs. maYb i'm short temPered. maYb i'Ve learNt to leT d maTter pass becOs dey leT d maTter paSs. But deN agaiN, i haVE a chOice to bring d maTter up agaIn, don't I?

macaM compLicaTed giTu. haTE deM. loVE deM. deY r maK & apaK & i wuN haVe it aNy othEr waY. deY have theiR weaknessEs & sO do I. buT deY've got theiR strenGthz too.

u knOW, kadaNg senAng nak biLang kLien utk fOkus pada yg posItif; taPi diri sendriK, biLa dah kat rumah..jadi lupa dIRi. Lupa diRi giLerrrr puNyerrr. naK praktikkaN kaTa-kaTa daN prinsip keJe sendirI bcOme maJor issue in personaL life. *faJ roLL eYez*

i dUnno waD's goNna b d ouTcome of diS nieCE rUnninG awaY fiaSco.

i caN onLi praY. n hoPe untuK yanG terbaiK.

deY saY hoPe maKes aLl tiNgz brYt. bUt hOw to sEe lyt@enD of tuNNel, biLe everYting seeMz so bLeak.

i wuNder waD my nieCe seeS aheaD of Her. i wUnder waD her paRentz seE aheaD of deM.

if deY see theiR daUghter condeMned to daMnatiOn & miSfiT... itU laH yaNg munGkin direaLisasiKan taNpa disedaRi.

tiaDakah harapan untuK anaK sedaRe ku yaNg satu niE? susaH ke naK maaFkan a 13-yeaR oLD?

ntaH lah ciK jaJa.. aPe maU buaT sekaraNg?

p/S: sory laH geNg. paNjanG leBar. ventiLation session Nooh. =P