tweNty-fiVe: ceLebratinG patcHes Friday, July 07, 2006
Last nYt, i waS tinKing of PuttinG uP a quaRter-maRk posT as a triBute to MyseLf fOr havIng thUS faR fuLfiLLed 25 yeaRz of mY tyM heRe on eaRf.
No iDeaS. mY braiN waS deaD froZen (lasT nyT).
Now. i'V goT suMting to toK abOut.
i coMMemoratE my 25tH wiF "paTches".
Yes, i bCame kuCing toMpoK (stiLL faintLy aM ryT nOw as i wriTe dis posT) oR d paTchy Cat oN My 25tH.
waD i toT weRe jUz smaLL heaT patchEs; turNed oUt 2b darK paTches (greY 2b exacT) taT seeMed 2b spreaDing. i haD quiTe a desiGn on my lEgz@1130pm on d 6th of July, i freaKed out; for feaR taT it woUld spreaD to d whoLe boDy. 2d 24 hR cLinic i rusHed.
"uR case like waLk-iN @ A & E. So consuLtatioN@diS tyM is $65."
*faJ faIntz heaRing cLinic assisTant's 'syMpathetiC' exPlanatioN*
teNk God d kiNd dOctor chaRged onLi $39.
i haD to sEe d docTor aS i waS alReadY geTting d goOsebuMpz. i paNickeD coS i neVa experieNced suCh a coNditioN.
he gaVe me creaM 2 spreaD & suM piLLz to taKe.
*pHewW* iT was a caSe of sKin reaCtion to CertaiN medicatiOn i'Ve beeN taKing iN my effoRtz to seLf-cUre; oR posT-feveR paTches. I'Ve beeN feVering on & oFf foR d pasT feW daYz & d fLu has beeN bugginG me.
N i suspect i waS allergIc to cLarinaSe. eiTher tat, i haD taKen tOO maNy mediCations @1go to treaT d saMe symptoM. i Was taKing cLarinaSe & diS other meDiciNe; n earLier lasT nyt, I swaLLowed dOwn 2 paNadoL coLd (EXTRA suM more) 'cOs nutinG seeMs 2b werKing.
sO i guEss d 3 mediciNes diN reaLi aGree wiF each otHer; hence, d reactiOn.
Of kOs, i reLigioUsly spreaD d cream on d paTches fOr feaR of spreadIng. iT aLso got me proFuseLy hoPing & praYing taT i would b beTTer in d mornIng.
AlhamduLillah, HE has beeN kiNd to Me. d PatchEs r begiNning to FaDe. dO hoPe taT it woUld disaPpear sOOn.
inSyaAllah.
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PatcHes. taT got me tinKing about d patChes in my liFe. ruFF patChes. biG patChes of waTer or Mud oN mY liFe's paTh. prObabLy LonG paTchEs oF unEveN, stOny oR steeP stretcHes i haD to eNdure in maKing my Life's JourneY. oF caUse, der werE patcHes of niCe greeNerieS & pwiTTy fLowers taT deLighted me aS i jOurneyed thRu' life's path.
iN a waY, probabLy HE was gettiNg me to refLect on my Life. Now, i'd foreVer b abLe to remembeR mY 25Th. *freaKy bUt amUsing* 'cOs i'M not hoPing to C d dOctor wiF suM weiRd coNditiOn each tyM my berFdaE comes.. =P
mY Life's Patches (in randoM order):
= waTcHing sibLingz leaVe d famiLy nesT: emotioNal loss foR me. watchiNg deM leaVe 1, by 1. especiaLLy d oNes i'm cLoser too. i rememBered feeLing aLone. i stiLL do. gUes taT's whY i keeP myseLf busY ofTen tymz. My 4th sisTer moVed to a fLat neaR my pLace fer quite suM tym. i Liked taT. beiNg abLe to gO over her pLace to whiNe about skUl & werK. weN she mUved lasT yeAr, it waS readJustment again fer Me.
= LosiNg myseLf in coLLege. i waS a reaL losT soUl in coLLege. iF it haDn't beeN fer suM individuaLz hu heLped sustaiNed my existeNce @ d NeaR eND of my 1st yeaR, i seriously wouLd haVe considereD droPping out froM coLLege. agaiN i felt aLone. neiGhbourhOod skUl kiD wiF a go-easY attituDe smack intO a cuLture of kiDs frOm eLite skUlz & schoLars froM overseAs. i haD troubLe fittinG in. AgaiN. isoLation. Loneliness.
= bruDder got intO troUble wiF d LaW. biG tym famiLy criSes. hOw couLd i b a piLLar of suPport weN i wasN't eveN suPportiNg d caUse & weN i wasn't eveN suPPorted? fresHiE to d University Life & coPing wiF d finances (aS daD had Juz retired@ taT point in tyM), dIs was anOther tuFF 1 to haNdle. iF i toT i waS strOng, diS paTch waS a tuFf oNe whIch taUght me d effecTz of bottLing uP my emotioNz.
= reLationshiPz. meN. hurT. cOnfusiOn. Ok, nexT. *griNzz*
= hearinG aPak taUnt me wiF "asaL taK maSOk NIE jadi ciKgu?" & maK saYing "baGus ke keJe nie, cakap2 jer kat oranG gitu?". This weN on fer monthS after my decisiOn to b a sociaL werker.
= taT painfuL decisiOn 2leaVe d nationaL teAm fer guD. freSh to d werK forCe wiF a hectIc trainIng scheduLe fer d 2003 VietnaM SEA gaMes. i turNed baCk n abanDoned diS paTh. Sumtymz, i stiLL wunder waD it wuD haVe beeN liKe iF i pursuEd. sIlat meaNt a lot to Me. it was oNe of my lifeLines amidSt d life transitioNz & triBulationz i faCed.
i haD wiFdraWals symptoMz aFter d decisiOn. i dreaMt abOut beIng in d riNg n coMpeting. i waKe up feeLing joLted as if i waS reactiNg to d oppoNent's moVe whiLe spaRring. i gO into deeP "what-ifs" & wunderiNg modEs weN i watch maTches. i attemPted to jUz atteNd trainIngs@ d cLub leveL. taT diN werK out eithEr due to my werk scheduLe.
= gettiNg intO universitY. d 1sT fer my famiLy. i seriousLy toT i wouLdn't maKe it tHru' my A's. i waS such a craPpy student. wiF my resuLtz, i haD douBted d unIversity wiLL accept me. receiVing d neWs from aPak was a memorabLe oNe. he paged me maNy tyMz. i waS in d middLe of d 'jungLe'; waS brinGing caDets fer a hiKe thrU' bt.timaH & macriticHie. terLonjat2 saMe mcM monyEt kaT maCritichie weN i got d newS. heeHee.
= watchiNg sibLingz goiNg tHru' engageMents, maKing preparatiOnz & d geTting marrieD. d tyMz weN i toiLed as a keNdarat at my sibLings weddiNg. my famiLy sMuer seLf-serviCe okay. =P nOw, i'M goinG thRu' tat prOses as weLL. insyaAllah, my turN wiLL coMe 1 daY. teNk U Allah, fOr brinGing more Love into my Life.
= greaT frenshiPz & sisTerhOod. 8 yRs of freNship wiF sLackerz. 5 yeaRz wiF yuYun. 6 yearZ wiF priS. lurVelY sisTaz @ d werKplaCe. deY keeP me on my tOes. Lotsa uPs & doWnz as weLL; but most importaNtly, we geT by wif maNy learNing lessOns about d otHer. i 'heaRt' aLL of U! *HuGgzz*
= taT posT-tsUnami stiNt @ acEh. d sOrrow tOre me; But d hOpes & perseVerance enlighteNed & lifteD me uP furtHer. metaMorphosiS.
Geez. d lisT couLd go On. (erMm..quite a lisT i'Ve maDe. kweKwekwe...) LookIng baCk, i Neva regreT haVing theSe paTches cOming Up or shOutiNg at Me. d thriLLz & spiLLz of it aLL. i caN safeLy saY, i haVe conquerEd (n i dO wiSh to conqueR more - not land noR peopLe. Juz mYself).
neVatheLess, mY poinT is, ruFf Or eaSy d patches haD beeN, sumtymz, we juZ taKe d paTches in Life fer granted. we neVa appreciaTe enuf d vaLue it haS for Us - hoW mucH it has grOomed us into wad we r todaY. How stroNg we'Ve become as a persOn after goIng tHru' ruFf moMents in life. How littLe we ceLebraTe d smaLL achieveMents we'Ve maDe reaChing certaIn miLestOnes in Life's paTh despite not achievinG d enD goaLz. How we forGet to appreciaTe peopLe & eveNtz, otHer littLe thiNgs in Life taT sumhow iN a strange or littLe manneR has addeD a variEty of coLourz & MEANING to our Life.
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i sPread d creaM & d patches r faDing.
i haD waLked tHru' mY life's patcHes & aM nOw stiLl doiNg d brisK walk. ;o) Yes, d paTches faDe intO d backfroUnd aS i moVe forwaRd; cLimbiNg mOre mountaInz of acHieveMents, waLkinG thRu' vaLLeys of uncertaiNties & swiMmiNg (or roWiNg! i caN't swIm! =P) mOre seAs & oceaNz of chaLLenges.
But i caRRy d memorieS throUghout in mY heaRt. Juz as i wouLd reMember d day i haD patcHes.
7 juLy 2006. hePi berFdae faJ!
Thank U Allah! (",)
-IF-
If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie,
Life would be delight,-
But things couldn't go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn't be I.
If earth was heaven, and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I'd be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn't be you.
If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,-
Yet they'd all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn't be we.
ee cummings
~celeBratiNg liFe's hurTz, LoVe, Joyz & paiN.~
-thOughTz sPoKen @ 11:37 PM :)
falling hearts
