tSunami..agaiN? i couLdn't beLieve my eYes & eaRs. i tOt waD sUm1 shaRed waS juZ hearsaY (noW taT i knOw its trUe, i bareLy reMember whO'D inforMed mE aBout d tsunami).
perhaPz i diN waN to beLieve taT another tsuNami wiLL striKe@sucH a shOrt intervaL foLLowing d 2004 disaSter.
"The magnitude 7.7 undersea quake on Monday triggered walls of water more than six feet high that crashed into a 110-mile stretch of beach on Java island, an area spared by the devastating 2004 Asian tsunami."
i reaD d neWs onLine; i waTched d neWs cLip. instaNtLy, mY eyeS waTered. MemOries of mY wErk @meuLaboh caMe fLashing baCk.
deAr AllaH, y r deY tesTed as sUch?
eXcerpts of individuaLz, motHers, faThers, chiLdren lookIng for famiLy members; stOriEs of destructiON & hOw d waVes caMe chargiNg after theM. All diS i Noe. All diS i'Ve heaRd. aLL diS i'Ve feLt.
d paIn & paNg. i feeL it agaiN in my heaRt. iTs sO wrenching. sO choKing. i aM tiMe-traVelling. I aM broUght bacK to d hospitaL waRd wiF my 1st patiEnt, paK J. gaWd.. i caN't desCribe dis feeLing weLLed uP in my chesT. iTs nOT hurT. bUt It'S hurting. gaWd.
yeaH. i enJoy listeNing tO araB songz. yeS; d kiNd taT maKe u waNna beLLy daNce, shaKe ur bOoty & moVe ur shoUlderz & taP ur feeT. *ahaKz* teNx to aH-maI & ah-Nor Hu intrOduced deM to mE liKE erMmm...in 2005? heEhee...
oF koS, i totaLLy duN understAnd waD d soNgz meaN; buT hecK, iF d tUne's catChy oR capture suM deeP emotiOn & is PleasaNt 2d eaRz, i'll liKe it. kweKwekwe.. =P
frOm waD i gaTher..araB soNgz r usuaLi abOut lurvEe lah. frOm d cLips i'Ve watched, araB sonGz seeM 2b about: - broKen hearTs - gaL/guY beIng shY about meetinG a dreaM guY/gerL - beiNg deepLy smitteN & in lurVeee..
oF koS, i'M sure not ALL araB songz r sO. aT leasT, i'M sure, majoritY r sO. HeeHee..
if u're frEe dO broWse sOme araB cLips & u'LL fiNd maNy hollY-wOod liKe traiTz in d cLips. d araB musiC videO clIps seeM 2b uniVersaLLy coNtaiNing: - suNggoh taK haLal sceNes.. =P - fLirtiNg sceNes taT r fiTTed iN eveN thOugh it doEsn't maTch d videO clip pLot. - shaKe2 ur bOoty & fLing ur arMz daNce biT - seXy erMm...fashIon?? fuiYoooohhh!!! - huNkz & baBez. Great eYe caNdy!! kweKwekwe..
coMe shaKe thOse shOulderz & boNz wiF nancY ajRam....
NancY ajraM: oNe of d female araB siNgers i muLa2 terKenan. heeHee..
-thOughTz sPoKen @ 5:15 PM :)
uNgu vioLet II
Sunday, July 16, 2006
sum oF my faVourite exCerpTz frOm uNgu vioLet. i LoiKeeeeee..... "Dalam sendirian, kian lama ku rasakan kebenaran sebuah ungkapan lama.
Betapa nilai seseorang sgt terasa justeru ketika dia tiada; dan ketiadaanmu memberi petunjuk yg amat nyata. Betapa rapuh jiwaku dlm kesendirian, dan betapa utuh dlm kebersamaan deNganmu.
Hanya ada satu kata yg mampu mengungkap semuanya iaitu: cInTa.
Namun ada satu hutang yang selama ini belum terbayar Kalin. Ku raSa tiba saatnya ku berceRita. Kenapa deNgan cinta itu, aku justeru menjauh dariMu."
And another One.....:
Kalin
Maaf kalau semua tidak berjalan seperti yang kita mahu. Kadang kita berharap, Tuhan aKan menunjuk jalan kita danmembuka sedikit tabir rahAsianya
Seperti mataHari yg terbit di timur dan terBenam di Barat; Atau seperti waKtu yang tidak pernah terHenti peraSaanku akan seLalu dekat denGanmu.
Sepi bicara. BeTapa semPitnya waktu, betapa teRasa beSarnya cinTa. JikA puN aku percaya aDa hidup seteLah mati, kita tiDak akan peRnah bertemu Lagi.
KaLin
Kita seLalu mencuba untuk mengharGai hidup aGar lebih beRerti. MesKipun kecil, tapi embun adalah petanDa datangnya musim seMi.
Suara burung, atau bunyi yang indah adalah bukan pilihan. KeDuanya, akan selalu ingin kiTa nikmati. Jika ku harus memilih, aku tidak akan memilih,. Kerana angin akan seLalu membaWa lagenda ceriTa kita yang akan seLalu berakhir bahaGia. Hanya waKtu, yang bisa merengGutmu dari aKu."
aWwww...SwoOoonnn... *dreaMzz*
-thOughTz sPoKen @ 4:20 PM :)
uNgu vioLet
Friday, July 14, 2006
Itz 3aM n i juZ finisHed tearinG over coLours. UngU vioLet - aN indoNesiaN muVee. sO taaR--chiNg....teNx aiN fer maKing me teaR in d wee hOurs of a friDay maWning. (mInd U, i'V a lOooNg daY ahEad & heRe i aM induLging mYseLf in a Late nYt shOw. *griNzz* i caN smeLL d coFfee oredI. hiGh consuMptioN raTe of thoSe in a fEw hoUrs tyM.)
iN aLL, d mUvee remInded mE of taT "i'M jUz a gerL" koreaN musiC videO. In shOrt, yOu couLd caLL it aN extensiOn oF d musiC videO wiTh more coLour & emotioNz.
heRe's a gLimPse oF unGu viOlet fer U:
diaN sastrowOdoYo is jUz as wuNderfuL as sHe waS in "adA apa deNgan ciNta"; in faCt beTter. rizKy haNggoNo reaLi looKed liKe a torTured artist; castEd as a photograPher whO suffeRs froM leukaeMia, trYing to coMe to terMs wiTh deaTh & loVe in d mUvee.
i reaLi lurVee d beaUtifuL & poetiC diaLogue from d muVee. raKo priJanto, d saMe feLLa hu wroTe d poeMs in "adA apA denGan cinTa" is d suTradaRa fer d muVee; whiCh exPlains d wunderfuL werDs sPoUted bY diaN & rizKy in Ungu vioLet.
sO aWww-Ing. GeeZ. i'M suCh a sucKer fer indOn roMance. kweKwekwe.. leMme sHare wiF u suM moMentz frOm d Muvee:
YeS..it aLL staRted & bLoomeD @ d Bus stoP..
d foNe caLLz beGan n mOre LurVe waS in d aiR...
waD iS roMance withOut d twists...diS parT sO taa-chiNg. kaLin (diaN's onscReen charaCter) wanTed laNdo tO proMise her taT he wIll noT diE wiThout heR beiNg abLe to see hiM fiRst.
i M so goNna waTch d VCD again. erMmm, aiN. caN i hoLd d vCd a bit loNger? kreKreKre..
heRe i aM, stiLL awaKe at 3+aM, swOoned by uNgu vioLet. gO to sLeep faJ.
(waTch me. i'LL smiLe & griN in dreaMland! =P)
~begitu sempitnYa waktu; beGitu besaRnya ciNta~ unGu vioLet
-thOughTz sPoKen @ 6:35 PM :)
~idoL fOr oNe daY~
Thursday, July 13, 2006
TuesDay, 11 July 2006. d daY i beCame aN idoL fer oNe daY. ColleAgues gaVe a beLated berFdae 'perFormaNce'. The VolunteeR droP-In ceNtre caMe to Life wiF d Likes oF diCk MohD (=P), Flo Liza, ZacinTha & KeN moHd. feLLow cOntesTAnts incLuded jaLy, d siaMese twIns & uRs truLy..d FSC decLAred PPIS idOl. HwaHwaHwa... *griNzz* teNx guYz & gerLz!! It waS sucH a memOrabLe berFdaE "surPrise". (weLL, i Knew waD i haD to dO b4haNd, But i certainLy did nOt exPect d idOl shOw!)
Juz feR d reCord, hEre R d LyriCs i caMe up wiF on d Nyt beFore d shOw. kweNg kweNg kweNg...n Yeah i refLexiveLy daNced & sHooK my leGz as i crooNed.. =P
Hari iNi daN semaLam veRsioN 1.1 (siNg tO tuNe of J.mIzaN's Hari Ini & semaLam)
haRi itu kaU dataNg riaNg terseNyum buaTku seNang Ku Lihat diriMu RupaNya adA udaNg di sebaLik Batuuuuuuuu....
KaU mintaKu nyanYikan Lagu UntuK mendapaTkan hadiaHku ApaKah saLahkuDideRa saMpai Ke siTuuuuu
JangaN, kaWan jaNgan begiTu KasihaniLah aKu dua pUloh..LimAaaaa.. DaH suKu abaD kaLau kOranG taK taHuuuu
NasiB baiK semaLam aKu pAss KalaU tidaK seMua meLepas UntuK meNdenGar aKu MenyanYii Minta maaF kaLau taK boLeh caRryyy...
HeEhee..taT's My berfDay surpriSe fOr my loVabLe & wuNderfuL coLLeaguEz! Yay-Ness!
deY dId a Vote fEr ur faVourite idOl viA-smS tinGy..& i receiVed wuNDerfuL berFdae sMs-es frOm deM. meSsages foR keePs; heRe deY are....:
"haPi 25 bdaes! fOr all the bDae wisHes dat I missEd. =)" - d MenTee wHu shoWers mE wiF chocoLates & koreaN soNgz. HeeHee.
"Happy birthday gi-girl!" & "Faj, happy bday! U r suCh a spOrt!" - One of mY biG O's. teNX kak!
"heY, u shaRe d saMe berfdaE as geOrge busH! sLamat hari tuEr beB!" & "haPpy birThdaY deaR baBe whO sis behinD me who taughT me LoTs who caN noW driVe! Many, many happy memOries noW, anD forEver." - reD hoT be Hu siTz in froNt of Me in d OfiS aKa zacinTha.
(zAcinTha & biG O wished Me On d 7th as weLL. heNce, d 2 msGs.)
"PPIS-JURONG IDOL HAPPY BIRTHDAY" - HoMe ventuRe maKciK.
"wisHing U merrieSt b'thdaY. SemoGA anda diBeri uMur yg paNjanG, peNUh dgN keBaiKan" auThor oF msG UnkNown. HAha! (noT suRe hU's hP no. diS is. =P)
bOss & biG O II wished Me hePi berdaY. i tiNk suMhow "kwenG-kweNg-ness" wiLL aLways b associaTed wiF me. teeHeeHee. a phRase i oFten usEd durinG my fersT yeaR@werK. *griNzz*
teNx aLL fer maKing mY 25tH a memOrabLe oNe. (",) lurVe u peePz! aWwww... =)
-thOughTz sPoKen @ 5:30 AM :)
~feeLing suPer~
Saturday, July 08, 2006
BrandOn rouTh as sUpermaN: Not baAdd.. he Looks a biT liKe d Late ChristoPher reeVes
i Din recaLL In aNy part of d originaL supermaN taT Lois Lane & suPermaN actuaLi haD a chiLd togeTher. Btw, Kate boswortH Su-wIiiItTt.... =)
As previous years, deR's not muCh faNcy ceLebratioNs durinG berfdaYz. i liKe it tat Way. (",) simPly spending tyM wif freNs & loVed oNes wouLd suffiCe.
i waTched superMan returNs last nYt wiF Love. *griNzz* Yep, finaLLy cauGht it aFter taT unforgettabLe "bought d tickEt, but decided Not to waTch" incidenT last weeK. *faJ roLL eyeZ*
I quite enJoy d shOw.@least i diN doZe off; weLL, taT's d danGer of waTching a looNg muVee wiF suM1 hu'S had a ruFf day@werk. kreKrekre. tenKiu Love; appreciaTe u spendiNg tyM wiF me despite ur tiredNess froM werK. & tenKiu fer rushiNg doWn to get d giFt for Me. i LurVeeeee iT!!
Kinda shOrt ceLebratiOn. deaR waS bZ wif werK & weLL, i'M recovering frOm beiNg iLL. my throAt stiLL hurTz & i wuNDer Y. PffFftt. DeaR has thiS HuGe, scary lookiNg uLcer unDer his tOngue. (EeEkz!) sO, i fiGure, u get d ideA taT it was kiNd oF a quieT & stoNy daTe! *ahaKzzz*
But weLL, ceLebratiOnz couLd contiNue fer as Long as we waN ryT? =P heeHee..anD heY peePz, i'Ve goT a NEW crumPler Beg!!! wHeEeeeEeeeeEEe~ juZ waD i niD ryT noW. heHehe..i caN safeLy saY taT suM1 is sensiTive to My neeDs. kwakwaKwa.. mY beG is liKe minTaak aMpuN loRrr.. =S sO, its beeN d sponsoRed baG to werK aLmost everyDay (till) nOw. HeeHee. erMmm..got anyMore berfdaE giFtz? *griNzz*
aNywaY, bacK to sUpermaN.
juZ waNna note diS beFore i forGet. i waS reaLi toucHed weN supeRman visiteD his sOn neaR d eNd of d muvee. hiS werDs weRe reaLi meaNingfuL; saId wiF such parentaL coNvictiOn, lurVee & caRe. Not suRe wHether diS r d exact werDs lerr; buT yeaH, deY capturE d gisT of waD he saiD to his Son:
"I am odd and different. And because of this, sometimes I am afraid that you will be odd, and different. Unlike other people.
But you will not be alone. You will never be alone. All that I have, all that I’ve learned, everything I feel… all this, and more… I bequeath you, my son.
You will carry me inside you all the days of your life. You will make my strength your own, and see my life through your own eyes, as your life will be seen through mine.
The son becomes the father, and the father the son."
i lUrve d messaGe in His werDs. aBout d cycLe of Life; abOut givinG hoPe to chiLdren, abOut suPport & of coUrse, loVe. (",)
i had a suPer-25th.
(fLy me to d Moon, caN? =P)
-thOughTz sPoKen @ 10:35 PM :)
GratiTude
teNk U aLL (u Noe whO u r) fer ur weLL wisHes & Do'as On diS 25th yeaR. maY aLL ur hOpes & wisHes fer Me b granTed, insyaAllah.
My seLdom expressEd But ofteN feLt teNkiUs to maK & apaK fer aLL u haVe done fer me. i maY noT b d besT of dauGhter@tyMz. but i do hoPe in my owN smaLL ways, i m abLe to fuLifill my responsibiLities 2 both oF u.
teNkiU yuyuN. i maY not b deR oFten wiF/fOr U, bUt u're ofTen in mY tOtz. i Love u much. nEed i saY more? *huGgzz*
tenKiu love foR addinG meaNing to my Life. tenkIu hOpe fer teachinG me 2sEe beYond d fLawz & imperfectiOn. tenKiu faiTh fOr keePing me stroNg & keepIng me in checK. tenkiU hUrt for aLLowing mE d opportuNity to picK myseLf uP & movinG oN.
tenKiu Allah, fOr all ur bLessinGz & life's lessoNz. i praY u maKe me a beTter persOn - heLp me beTteR mY strengThz & oVercoMe my shortcoMingz & eviLz.
tenK U. tenk U. tenK U. (",) i'D like to shaRe thEse thaNkfuL toTz i foUnd:
BE THANKFUL
Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?
Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.
Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.
Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.
Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach you valuable lessons.
Be thankful when you're tired and weary, because it means you've made a difference.
It's easy to be thankful for the good things.
A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks.
Find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings.
-thOughTz sPoKen @ 4:45 AM :)
tweNty-fiVe: ceLebratinG patcHes
Friday, July 07, 2006
Last nYt, i waS tinKing of PuttinG uP a quaRter-maRk posT as a triBute to MyseLf fOr havIng thUS faR fuLfiLLed 25 yeaRz of mY tyM heRe on eaRf.
No iDeaS. mY braiN waS deaD froZen (lasT nyT).
Now. i'V goT suMting to toK abOut.
i coMMemoratE my 25tH wiF "paTches".
Yes, i bCame kuCing toMpoK (stiLL faintLy aM ryT nOw as i wriTe dis posT) oR d paTchy Cat oN My 25tH.
waD i toT weRe jUz smaLL heaT patchEs; turNed oUt 2b darK paTches (greY 2b exacT) taT seeMed 2b spreaDing. i haD quiTe a desiGn on my lEgz@1130pm on d 6th of July, i freaKed out; for feaR taT it woUld spreaD to d whoLe boDy. 2d 24 hR cLinic i rusHed.
"uR case like waLk-iN @ A & E. So consuLtatioN@diS tyM is $65."
i haD to sEe d docTor aS i waS alReadY geTting d goOsebuMpz. i paNickeD coS i neVa experieNced suCh a coNditioN.
he gaVe me creaM 2 spreaD & suM piLLz to taKe.
*pHewW* iT was a caSe of sKin reaCtion to CertaiN medicatiOn i'Ve beeN taKing iN my effoRtz to seLf-cUre; oR posT-feveR paTches. I'Ve beeN feVering on & oFf foR d pasT feW daYz & d fLu has beeN bugginG me.
N i suspect i waS allergIc to cLarinaSe. eiTher tat, i haD taKen tOO maNy mediCations @1go to treaT d saMe symptoM. i Was taKing cLarinaSe & diS other meDiciNe; n earLier lasT nyt, I swaLLowed dOwn 2 paNadoL coLd (EXTRA suM more) 'cOs nutinG seeMs 2b werKing.
sO i guEss d 3 mediciNes diN reaLi aGree wiF each otHer; hence, d reactiOn.
Of kOs, i reLigioUsly spreaD d cream on d paTches fOr feaR of spreadIng. iT aLso got me proFuseLy hoPing & praYing taT i would b beTTer in d mornIng.
AlhamduLillah, HE has beeN kiNd to Me. d PatchEs r begiNning to FaDe. dO hoPe taT it woUld disaPpear sOOn.
inSyaAllah. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PatcHes. taT got me tinKing about d patChes in my liFe. ruFF patChes. biG patChes of waTer or Mud oN mY liFe's paTh. prObabLy LonG paTchEs oF unEveN, stOny oR steeP stretcHes i haD to eNdure in maKing my Life's JourneY. oF caUse, der werE patcHes of niCe greeNerieS & pwiTTy fLowers taT deLighted me aS i jOurneyed thRu' life's path.
iN a waY, probabLy HE was gettiNg me to refLect on my Life. Now, i'd foreVer b abLe to remembeR mY 25Th. *freaKy bUt amUsing* 'cOs i'M not hoPing to C d dOctor wiF suM weiRd coNditiOn each tyM my berFdaE comes.. =P
mY Life's Patches (in randoM order):
= waTcHing sibLingz leaVe d famiLy nesT: emotioNal loss foR me. watchiNg deM leaVe 1, by 1. especiaLLy d oNes i'm cLoser too. i rememBered feeLing aLone. i stiLL do. gUes taT's whY i keeP myseLf busY ofTen tymz. My 4th sisTer moVed to a fLat neaR my pLace fer quite suM tym. i Liked taT. beiNg abLe to gO over her pLace to whiNe about skUl & werK. weN she mUved lasT yeAr, it waS readJustment again fer Me.
= LosiNg myseLf in coLLege. i waS a reaL losT soUl in coLLege. iF it haDn't beeN fer suM individuaLz hu heLped sustaiNed my existeNce @ d NeaR eND of my 1st yeaR, i seriously wouLd haVe considereD droPping out froM coLLege. agaiN i felt aLone. neiGhbourhOod skUl kiD wiF a go-easY attituDe smack intO a cuLture of kiDs frOm eLite skUlz & schoLars froM overseAs. i haD troubLe fittinG in. AgaiN. isoLation. Loneliness.
= bruDder got intO troUble wiF d LaW. biG tym famiLy criSes. hOw couLd i b a piLLar of suPport weN i wasN't eveN suPportiNg d caUse & weN i wasn't eveN suPPorted? fresHiE to d University Life & coPing wiF d finances (aS daD had Juz retired@ taT point in tyM), dIs was anOther tuFF 1 to haNdle. iF i toT i waS strOng, diS paTch waS a tuFf oNe whIch taUght me d effecTz of bottLing uP my emotioNz.
= hearinG aPak taUnt me wiF "asaL taK maSOk NIE jadi ciKgu?" & maK saYing "baGus ke keJe nie, cakap2 jer kat oranG gitu?". This weN on fer monthS after my decisiOn to b a sociaL werker.
= taT painfuL decisiOn 2leaVe d nationaL teAm fer guD. freSh to d werK forCe wiF a hectIc trainIng scheduLe fer d 2003 VietnaM SEA gaMes. i turNed baCk n abanDoned diS paTh. Sumtymz, i stiLL wunder waD it wuD haVe beeN liKe iF i pursuEd. sIlat meaNt a lot to Me. it was oNe of my lifeLines amidSt d life transitioNz & triBulationz i faCed.
i haD wiFdraWals symptoMz aFter d decisiOn. i dreaMt abOut beIng in d riNg n coMpeting. i waKe up feeLing joLted as if i waS reactiNg to d oppoNent's moVe whiLe spaRring. i gO into deeP "what-ifs" & wunderiNg modEs weN i watch maTches. i attemPted to jUz atteNd trainIngs@ d cLub leveL. taT diN werK out eithEr due to my werk scheduLe.
= gettiNg intO universitY. d 1sT fer my famiLy. i seriousLy toT i wouLdn't maKe it tHru' my A's. i waS such a craPpy student. wiF my resuLtz, i haD douBted d unIversity wiLL accept me. receiVing d neWs from aPak was a memorabLe oNe. he paged me maNy tyMz. i waS in d middLe of d 'jungLe'; waS brinGing caDets fer a hiKe thrU' bt.timaH & macriticHie. terLonjat2 saMe mcM monyEt kaT maCritichie weN i got d newS. heeHee.
= watchiNg sibLingz goiNg tHru' engageMents, maKing preparatiOnz & d geTting marrieD. d tyMz weN i toiLed as a keNdarat at my sibLings weddiNg. my famiLy sMuer seLf-serviCe okay. =P nOw, i'M goinG thRu' tat prOses as weLL. insyaAllah, my turN wiLL coMe 1 daY. teNk U Allah, fOr brinGing more Love into my Life.
= greaT frenshiPz & sisTerhOod. 8 yRs of freNship wiF sLackerz. 5 yeaRz wiF yuYun. 6 yearZ wiF priS. lurVelY sisTaz @ d werKplaCe. deY keeP me on my tOes. Lotsa uPs & doWnz as weLL; but most importaNtly, we geT by wif maNy learNing lessOns about d otHer. i 'heaRt' aLL of U! *HuGgzz*
= taT posT-tsUnami stiNt @ acEh. d sOrrow tOre me; But d hOpes & perseVerance enlighteNed & lifteD me uP furtHer. metaMorphosiS.
Geez. d lisT couLd go On. (erMm..quite a lisT i'Ve maDe. kweKwekwe...) LookIng baCk, i Neva regreT haVing theSe paTches cOming Up or shOutiNg at Me. d thriLLz & spiLLz of it aLL. i caN safeLy saY, i haVe conquerEd (n i dO wiSh to conqueR more - not land noR peopLe. Juz mYself).
neVatheLess, mY poinT is, ruFf Or eaSy d patches haD beeN, sumtymz, we juZ taKe d paTches in Life fer granted. we neVa appreciaTe enuf d vaLue it haS for Us - hoW mucH it has grOomed us into wad we r todaY. How stroNg we'Ve become as a persOn after goIng tHru' ruFf moMents in life. How littLe we ceLebraTe d smaLL achieveMents we'Ve maDe reaChing certaIn miLestOnes in Life's paTh despite not achievinG d enD goaLz. How we forGet to appreciaTe peopLe & eveNtz, otHer littLe thiNgs in Life taT sumhow iN a strange or littLe manneR has addeD a variEty of coLourz & MEANING to our Life. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i sPread d creaM & d patches r faDing.
i haD waLked tHru' mY life's patcHes & aM nOw stiLl doiNg d brisK walk. ;o) Yes, d paTches faDe intO d backfroUnd aS i moVe forwaRd; cLimbiNg mOre mountaInz of acHieveMents, waLkinG thRu' vaLLeys of uncertaiNties & swiMmiNg (or roWiNg! i caN't swIm! =P) mOre seAs & oceaNz of chaLLenges.
But i caRRy d memorieS throUghout in mY heaRt. Juz as i wouLd reMember d day i haD patcHes.
7 juLy 2006. hePi berFdae faJ!
Thank U Allah! (",)
-IF-
If freckles were lovely, and day was night, And measles were nice and a lie warn't a lie, Life would be delight,- But things couldn't go right For in such a sad plight I wouldn't be I.
If earth was heaven, and now was hence, And past was present, and false was true, There might be some sense But I'd be in suspense For on such a pretense You wouldn't be you.
If fear was plucky, and globes were square, And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee Things would seem fair,- Yet they'd all despair, For if here was there We wouldn't be we.
ee cummings
~celeBratiNg liFe's hurTz, LoVe, Joyz & paiN.~
-thOughTz sPoKen @ 11:37 PM :)
assumPtionz..assuMptionz
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
i tiNk i shUd fiX in d microPhone tO my PC so taT i caN use d voicE featuRe on d mSn.
WerDz, withOut d toNe, withOut faciaL expressiOnz r ofteN misunderstOod. ofteN leadiNg to assumptioNz.
@leaSt i triEd.
*faJ koFfz oUt her luNgz*
maN, i reaLi neeD to do suMting about dis irritaTing throAt taT's kiLLing my luNgz.
~Look@ d whoLE pictUre; noT juZ d tiP of d iceBerg~
"Are you then unable to recognize unless it has the same sound as yours?"
it's aLL in a daY's werK, faJ.
.seNyuM tiGaaaaa.
nOW, tO watch or noT to waTch.
gO gerMaNy!!! i maY noT b wiF u in siGht; bUt mY thOtz in dreaMlaNd r wiF U! *ahaKzz*
-thOughTz sPoKen @ 3:44 PM :)
taT oNe moMent...whaT iF..iF onLy...
iN d waKe of My quarTer of a centurY's exisTence in dis werLd (thaNk U AllaH!), i aM:
throAt-hurtiNg (d kiNd tat huRtz weN u swaLLow & choKes uP a baD koFf on U suddeNly)
fEvering (boDy heatiNg up at niGht)
FeeLing so lethargiC
achinG aLL oVer (especiaLLy d reaL bad stiFf necK)
aLL stoNed uP
aM iN a midsT of a 2-daY werkshop; oUt of ofIs & smacKed intO a rOomfuL of traiNing maTes & d whoLe roUtinE of havIng new neighBourz, netwerKing & surfaCing taT much-difficuLt smiLe to brinG about On my faCe.
aFter todaY, i asKed myseLf: whaT if taT 1 preciOus moMent of mY cLients' compLaining, caLLing me uP to Lament & groUse was a decidiNg facTor beTween Life & deaTh? wHat iF d coNversatiOn wiF d cLient on d pHone or faCe-to-Face waS d Last liFeliNe a cLient haD to his/hEr existenCe on earF?
*geeZ scaRy*
iT was a waKe-uP caLL fer Me to reflEct on d werK i haVe doNe thuS faR. liKe it or noT, deR r tyMs weN doUbts & percePtionz toWards peopLe sinK in.
dO i giVe d NEEDED attentiOn to my caSes? dO i eveR subconsciOusly maKe mentaL noteS of certaiN cLients tat shUD b deserVing my attentiOn oVer soMe others? dO i bruSh off werDs oF suM cLients over d othEr?
tiMe: sOmetymz 24hrs isN't enuF. to asK for 36hrs or eveN more in a day wiLL no doUbt, exhaUSt aNy individuaL as weLL.
deAr Allah, granT me d abiLity to conscientiousLy reflect on mY professionaL seLf. In d rusH to meeT dateLines or review caSes; or eveN in a hasTe to settLe issUes in caSes, i may haVe (praY not!) overLookeD d underLying messaGEs from d cLients.
a sociaL workeR i aM; buT i aM a huMan tOo. Soo...
deaR Allah, chiDe me if i jUDge. smacK me wiF reaLisatioN iF douBt & percePtions cLoud mY asSessMent as a werKer. granT me d patieNce to fiNd d strenGth of 'chaLLenging' cLients & noT to giVe up hoPe weN suCh caSes brinG me doWn.
This haS beeN...
.reneWed conVictioNz.
d daY i'M reminDed taT i MAY be a LifeLine.
d daY i'm remInded taT littLe tinGz i dO MAY mean sumting to sum1 (eveN if i feeL otherwisE)..
d daY i'M remiNded taT: I = suPport = resoUrce.
d daY i waS resCued tOo frOm potentiaLLy dispLaying suicidaL behaviOurs tO d seLf - d werKer & d 25-year oLd-2B. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house That don’t bother me I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while Even though going on with you gone still upsets me There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok But that’s not what gets me
What hurts the most Was being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was tryin’ to do
It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go But I’m doin’ It It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone Still Harder Getting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret But I know if I could do it over I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart That I left unspoken
What hurts the most Is being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was trying to do
What hurts the most Is being so close And having so much to say And watching you walk away And never knowing What could have been And not seeing that loving you Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you That’s what I was trying to do
falling hearts
