a waNdereR's Love

y chaNge?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Y chanGe thOse wHo r unwiLLing to chanGe?

InteresTing discovery todaY: desPite ofTen lisTening, i maY have to lisTen morE. eVen moRe.

HmMm..& weN peopLe duN lisTen tO U, iTs eveN haRder. 'coS u'D haVe to liSten to d tinGs deY DUN saY.

huManz r comPlex beiNgs areN't dey? a paiR of eaRs, yeT deY duN lisTen. a moUth to discOurse, yeT kePt mUm. dUn compLain faJ. u r a coMplex beIng yerseLf.

more pErpLexed i aM bY mY chiLd manaGement caSes. paRents r suCh wuNderfuL hoMo saPienz..yeT, deManding; eniGma, yeT an irOny@d saMe tYm.

aFter seeIng paRents, teeNz & chiLdreN, i wuNder iF i'd maKe a guD pareNt. i See miRrors refLecting maNy imaGes of paRents deaLing wiF chiLdreN in d wrongest of waYs, teeNagers fuLL of anGst & clUeless oF wat deY'r rebeLLing agaiNst (hiStoRy shOws taT i waS probLy oNe, stiLL is perhapS?), famiLies unawaRe of d unconstruCtiVe tiNgs deY do to exaCerbate d probLem. Allah help me, pLease. bLess Me wiF d streNgth & braiNz 2b a guD parent weN my tyM coMes.

*expeCtatiOns vS affirMatioN*

i feeL greaT weN clienTz aprpeciaTe me. d adrEnaLine rusH to my heaD (& mY buTt..keMbang maaH..haHa..) weN deY muTter swIt, suGaRy stUfs liKe "triMa kasiH puaN. budI puaN tak boLeh kaMi baLas.", "baGus lah dataNg ke mari, daPat berbiNcang begIni." etc. i feeL so affirMed taT efforts & tyM dUn go to wasTe.

wiTh affirmaTion coMes expectaTions thO'. "..boLeh dapaT buah fikiraN dari puaN fajariaH", "naK buat perubahaN." & d liKes of diS koMenz. sCares me. weN a pareNt menG"puaN"kaN me, a 24-yr oLd saUdari. reaLi scaRes me. i m nOt d experT. i m nOt d pseUdo-pareNt of ur chiLd. i m mE. sociaL werKer. learNing. liVing. struggLing. dUn 'fairY-gOd mother' Me to chaNge d kIdZ on d bLock (or oFf?).

inseCure. 'cos aFter eaCh sessiOn, i bcoMe criticaL of myseLf. diD i do, saY d rYt tiNgs? haVe i listeNed enUf? diD i becOme d pareNt or d chiLd?

*chaNge*

wad did i dO noW? frUstrated 'coS she was doiNg it aLL wroNg. ALL WRONG. wRONG = aggRavaTe d otHer = biG nO nO! sHared my frusTratiOns wiF oNe of mY biG Os@d OffiCe. reaLised hoW beNt i waS to deaL wiF an individuaL whO was doIng it aLL wroNg, yeT has nO insIght iNto d wroNgness. aLL my werDs feLL on deaF eaRs. fiGured if i usEd a loUd haiLer, it woUldn't werK either.

biG O: "faJar, y is do peopLe not listeN, to taT exteNt?"

taT got me tiNking awhiLe.

faJ: "erMm..maYb because sUm of theiR neeDs r nOt meT yet?"

taT brOught us intO a discuSsion on possibLe neeDs of d cLient tat r noT meT as yeT. deN it dauNt mE taT I'd probLy diN lisTen enUf; or 2b poLiticaLLy coRrect: i juZ neeD to giVe her mOre airtiMe & lisTen more to Her.

liSten to d tiNgs unsaiD; heaR d unhearD.

waD a Job.

-thOughTz sPoKen @ 5:20 PM :)